Injustice can weigh very heavily on you when it unexpectedly drops on your head. After the initial shock, the series of emotions that follows is very difficult to deal with. Feelings of anger are strong, mixed with disbelief, much like a punch in the stomach. The blow offers the first jolting pain, excruciating and traumatic. As time goes by, the memory of torment becomes a lingering bitterness that prevents you from turning the page.
It’s just not fair. What did I do to deserve this?
When you go through abuse in any form and you first identify what you are going through as abuse, you feel the injustice. Why me? Why do I have to go through all this struggle? This is so unfair.
At first you don’t want to believe it, then it hits. The shock gives way to anger, anger at the other person, anger at yourself for letting this happen and letting it go on as long as it did.
Then the pain… The tears…
Lesson learnt. I will never trust again.
With so much bitterness from my experience, how can I move on, how can I turn the page?
I did turn the page after abuse. I still turn the page after I face injustice of any form. I learn from my experiences and I move on.
Yes, even though I make a huge effort to forgive and forget, I still have that bitter taste in my mouth. I have a very hard time trusting anyone anymore. I may be a very open person but I refuse to let anyone in. I’ve been hurt too many times and will not let it happen again.
So needless to say, the wounds are still healing. Yet I believe I have turned the page to experience new relationships even if I may limit them to a certain point. I give myself that permission. I won’t isolate myself to protect from harm. I accept to take risks but I make sure the risks are small, at least for now.
Time will help me heal.
In the meantime, I turn one page at a time at my pace.
It may have been unfair, very unfair, but it happened. I had to turn the page. I did. So can you.