Instead of anger and blame – Turning the page

Turning the page can be a very difficult process for some readers, especially when there are heavy emotions involved. Anger and blame are two of the most negative weights, much like chains preventing individuals from moving forward. If you have identified these emotions as being an issue in your life, I urge you to pay particular attention to it.

There are two facts to be very well aware of and to really understand in order to get past anger and blame:

  1. Both anger and blame are emotions directed at individuals or things outside of me. These are out of my zone of control, yet my attitude vis-a-vis these individuals or things, therefore my emotions linked to my attitude, do fall in my zone of control. It is my job to deal with my  emotions.
  2. In both anger and blame situations, there is an event being referred to; something happened that caused my reaction and the onset of these emotions.This event is an experience. Seeing it as such allows me to learn from it, to pull out a lesson, instead of the negative weight of the emotions alone. This transforms the experience into a positive one.

Both anger and blame are part of a grievance process. I have to give myself permission to go through the motions. I will have to turn the page to find peace again. I really need to deal with these emotions to move on. This is my responsibility as it involves my reaction, my attitude, my emotions. Changing the dynamics of the experience makes it a lot easier.

Often I have seen myself digging deep into the emotions only to discover that deep down I am angry at myself. The event made me react in a way that I didn’t want to react. The person or the situation didn’t get me as emotional as my reaction to the event. I also need to give myself permission to deal with that emotion. It is part of the process.

Ultimately, knowing that this is all part of a lesson learned makes the big difference. It transforms the heavy chains into wings that help in turning the page to move forward on the Path to Happiness.

Have you been through a difficult situation where you feel stuck in anger and blame? Have you written about it in your Journal? Are you having difficulty getting the chains off? See if these suggestions help you view your position differently. You deserve to be happy… you shouldn’t be stuck on your path for emotions that fall within your zone of control!

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Related posts:

  1. What is Turning the page?
  2. Anger, The Toxic Emotion
  3. Stuck at the last page…
  4. No one to blame when you take responsibility!
  5. Following your feelings, through praise and blame.

2 Responses to “Instead of anger and blame – Turning the page”

  1. Peter Wright says:

    I would counsel against always assuming anger to be a negative emotion, sometimes it can be sufficient motivation to be a life or sanity-saver.

    In my case, being illegally detained by the Zimbabwe police, harshly interrogated (but not physically tortured) and then thrown into an overcrowded cell with criminals for 3 days and nights, was a bad experience.

    What got me through it, was anger, yes, I did experience fear and I was at times worried, but the overriding emotion was anger. Anger that the Zimbabwe government was taking our farms, had killed many farmers and farm workers. Anger at the Western countries for forcing us to hand over our country to terrorists 30 years earlier. Anger that those same countries now did nothing to help us.

    If I had allowed fear to control me, I believe that I would have been mentally scarred for life. Allowing my anger to fuel my desire to resist in every way possible, kept fear in the background and helped me to emerge from that experience and the trauma of losing our farm, stronger than before.

    • Carmen Marie says:

      What a story Peter, and in light of that YES, we can definitely use anger to help us move forward, so it doesn’t really have to be a turning the page circumstance. I have been fortunate enough to have never seen or experienced such harsh realities. I see how anger saved you in that circumstance and can prevent others in similar situations from feeling or being crushed.

      In my comparatively very sheltered life, I look at the transformational potential of anger. In that sense, I don’t see it as negative either, as I tried to explain in the article, although in a very different way. I rather see it as the fuel or at least the precursor to boost into movement, into turning the page or making the change that I really need to make. It helps move beyond fears, although obviously in a very different context to your experience Peter.

      Thank you for sharing… how grateful we should be for feeling safe in our homes…

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