To say you deserve anything, takes courage. It is standing up for what you believe is your right.
To say “I deserve to be loved” may sound quite natural and obvious at first. Read the header again. How comfortable does it feel? I think it may take more courage to face it than to say it.
My first reaction to the header is actually critical at the mere thought. Who am I to think I deserve love? What makes me say I deserve love? What qualities do I possess to think that I deserve love? Actually I have no idea… Is it written somewhere?? All I know is that I’ve been brought up to respect my elder and not ask for anything. Nothing is really my right unless it is offered to me. I shouldn’t ask for it… Nor should I expect it. I have to leave it to the other person to decide. (In other words, if I please the person enough, he/she might decide in my favour!)
WOW. Did you ever expect that to come out…?? I didn’t.
But it is so true when you think about it. Many of us, especially those of us who have strong traditional and cultural backgrounds, have been taught to accept (and sometimes refuse) what our elders (and even peers) offer us, out of respect. Would you like a glass of water? No thank you I am fine… Love may not have been blatantly part of the deal, but the general attitude and behaviour may have stuck, stuck real hard and deep in our subconscious. I realize now that it is so embedded in me, that I may have transposed it to all my other relationships, including my own. May this be the case for you?
I realize now why I don’t see myself saying I deserve love. Instead, I work hard for love and I constantly try to prove that I am worthy of love, that I am capable of loving in order to receive love in return. I may have done this often with my parents as well, always trying to please them for love. Although now as an adult, my relationship with them is much different, I learned the behaviour over 20 years of growing up. I was never courageous enough to stand up and ask for love for just being me.
In my friendships and romantic relationships, I know this has been an issue as well. I have learned and grown a lot, yet there is still a tinge of this undeservedness in me. Sadly, love is still not perceived as 100% unconditional in my world.
There is much to write about in my Journal about this. You may have a lot to pour out onto your pages too. The title of this post may have looked obvious to start, but the emotions behind it are varied and strong. They may stir up a whirlpool when you think about it.
I deserve to be loved, by me and by others. I don’t have to be thin, pretty, witty, funny, athletic, sexy or whatever, to deserve someone’s love. I don’t have to be someone I am not to receive love. In the same way, I don’t have to require these attributes of myself to love ME. I Love ME no matter what.