Friends’ feedback to move you forward

A little while back I explained the Do or Do Not Process.  I showed how to help yourself move from Idea to Goal Completion by keeping your Excitement level on a high (see July 23rd repeat of the video if you have not seen it).

Friends are a big part of our path from Idea to Goal Completion. They also influence our decisions in general on our Journey and on our Path to Happiness. With their words and actions, Friends play a huge role in helping us move forward no matter what steps, stops or detours we take along the way.

Encouragement and direct motivation are not the only type of feedback you can receive from a Friend. Good Friends will often help in a very different way, even if it means you won’t like it at first:

Questions:
I love it when my life coach asks me questions. At first I didn’t though. She would bring me to tears! She would question my thoughts with her sharp questions.

At the beginning, this shocked me and I hated it! I would stop and stare at her, tears rolling down, speechless. Now I welcome it because I realize that it offers me a chance to view my path from a different perspective. Sometimes my actions are based on hidden emotions; her questions help me bring them out and deal with them. 

The questions themselves are simple, the answers are tough. Journal Writing, in addition to our discussions, helps me find them. These are essential to my path and help me move forward.

Feedback I am not ready to hear:
Intead of asking questions to make me find my own answers, a Friend can also just give an opinion that I won’t be ready to hear. Deep down I may know it to be true, but something may still be holding me back. My Friend’s input will help me deal with the issues and see what I need to work on to move forward.

I may for example have been presented with a great opportunity. I decide to not go ahead with it. My Friend says I am being silly, I should go ahead with it because this open door is what I have been waiting for all along. Her encouragement is heartwarming but underlying emotions are holding me back. She gives me all the reasons to go for it. This makes me think…

There are issues I need to deal with to move forward and my Friend’s feedback allows me to address them. At first, her words will feel uncomfortable, but they will push me to move forward. 

Disapproval:
Sometimes a Good Friend will just come out and say it - I don’t approve.

This is no doubt a shock to hear, or is it? A Good Friend will not lie nor  crash your party dissuading you from following your path with excitement, if there isn’t a valid reason.  If my Friend sees risk for failure, for unhappiness or potential danger, I would want to be warned. Of course, it will be a bummer but better to know about this before it is too late.

Often, we are well aware of the red flags but choose to not see them. In this case, it may not be a real shock to have a Friend highlight them, but nevertheless painful.

At other times, our denial can cause a conflict or even a break in our relationship with this Friend. If I know my Friend to be a good one, acting with Integrity, sincerity and affection for me, I will make the effort to go beyond the hurt to listen. Giving myself the time to digest the feedback allows me to move forward on my path.

So how are your Friends helping you on your Path? Do you recognize any of these forms of support?

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Related posts:

  1. Wonderful Friends to help you on your Path to Happiness
  2. Friends are cool but supportive friends are precious!
  3. Friends give and take but nobody is counting.
  4. Friends help Friends by providing the right tools
  5. How will my Friends help me reach my Goals?

4 Responses to “Friends’ feedback to move you forward”

  1. Sa says:

    I really appreciate the truth from a real friend. Why?
    Because I know it is for my own good.
    I know that what they have to say might hurt, but is well worth thinking about and acting on. I’ve found that real friends will deliver without the intention to cause pain, and this is why it is easier to receive constructive criticism from a friend. They are 100% for your benefit and not to harm you.
    I try to be the same. It distresses me to see people cry, yet I know that sometimes firmness is essential. When you have to do something you do not really like, the guarantee is there that true friends will support you every step of the way.
    It’s called unconditional love.

    • Carmen Marie says:

      Dearest Sa, you have learned the meaning of Friendship and how to be one yourself. I congratulate you.

      It isn’t easy to accept things we don’t want to hear sometimes, and as we resist our Friend who tries to make us see red flags, we decide to shut them out and deny the emotions we need to deal with. Many of us have had such experiences or may be living through similar situations now. As you said, as part of the definition of unconditional love, I believe for ourselves and for our Friends, this sharing of the truth is essential.

      Thank you for being part of TheNewHappyMe Sa! Your feedback will allow others to see that even if it isn’t easy, it can be done! :)

  2. jan says:

    I feel that a mark of a true friend is one that always wants what is best for their friend. Someone who will not enable their friend but push them to grow. Alot of times we have to say or hear things we do not want to hear. Always important to do your best to understand “Why is this person saying this to me” without going into a defensive mode. Always a appreciate a friend who has the courage to tell you the truth.

    • Carmen Marie says:

      Indeed, it takes courage for a Friend to say the truth when it will hurt particularly, but we should be beyond grateful for the Friendship this person has offered.

      I got a very touching email from a reader who said indeed, we are not always ready to hear what a Friend will say. Sometimes we can mess things up and we will never know if things may have ended up differently… It is part of life and experiencing to learn and to grow. As we mature in this area, taking a step back for better clarity can remove judgment and help the introspection needed to see where to go next.

      As I told this reader, I feel my articles may over-simplify the realities offered by our paths, but hopefully some basics may sink in slowly and we can all remember what is important on our Journey. I, like my readers, am still learning SO MUCH!! :)

      Thank you for your feedback Jan! And thank you for your amazing support! xoxo

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