In the theme of confrontation, I want to concentrate on our own actions and reactions rather than those of the other person. In any situation, we are in full control of our own behavior alone. That is where our responsibility lies. That is what can be changed. The rest is what it is.
So what happens when a friend says something I cringe at? It causes an unpleasant emotion.
- it angers me to hear that; what right does that person have to judge me like that?
- it hurts me to hear that; how could that person say that without knowing the whole truth?
- it brings out old and hidden emotions I don’t think I am ready to deal with.
Not quite the best solution is it?
Each situation will call for a different solution, but either way there will be some thought required on my part. Why does the confrontation anger me, hurt me or cause agitation within me? There is obviously something about what is said that affects me deeply, otherwise I would be able to reply with my own thoughts or just brush it off. What is it that stings so much? If I figure it out, I can transform the confrontation into a more productive discussion.
Until I figure out the WHY of my reaction, the confrontation will have a negative affect on me.
This is where I suggest taking out your Journal. Writing about your emotions regarding the confrontation will undoubtedly help uncover hidden truths about the WHY. Imagine how much lighter the discussions can be, how much more enriching, when such exchanges can be productive…
Earplugs may serve a better purpose to provide some quiet time to write perhaps….