Before you criticized, if you would just listen…

I am writing this article immediately following my Coaching class. In the past few classes, we have been discussing the importance of Listening and how it affects our relationships (coach/client, husband/wife, parent/child or friendships in general). Listening is often taken for granted… Let me guide you to a whole new way of understanding what Listening is all about…

To relate Listening to this week’s theme - Criticism, I decided to write about how effective the process can be in preventing hurtful situations… Here are my thoughts.

Criticism comes from judgment. The person criticizing believes something about the other and states it. The subject matter may or may not be of prime importance. The presentation or delivery may be very smooth too. Nevertheless, the recipient will always feel at least a tinge of hurt… After all, Criticism always means that the person is judged for having done something wrong, even if this is stated with the biggest of smiles and a string of added compliments…

When I receive Criticism in a context where I am expecting it, where it is presented in a very positive and educational manner,  in a friendly and supportive environment, I can react relatively well to it. I can then make the required and appropriate corrections through new decisions. It may still be difficult and will require some effort no doubt, but getting passed this situation will be relatively easy to me and, I believe, to most readers.

On the other hand, when I feel judged unfairly through Criticism, chances are I will shut down. I will refuse to listen to a statement I deem invalid. The person who is offering the Criticism will lose my respect and esteem, a little, a lot, temporarily or even permanently. I may be completely in the wrong, but this does not matter, because in essence, I feel misunderstood…

In situations like this, in the midst of shutting down, I also feel like shouting out – did you listen to anything I said??

Have you ever experienced this? Have you felt Criticized this way?

Listening to you isn’t just about hearing what you are saying. It is about understanding where you are coming from, why some things may be more difficult for you than they may look for me, how you get excited about some projects and how you fear others… It is about asking you the right questions to see how I can help you make the right decisions… instead of handing out my unsolicited judgment (even if it comes on a silver platter!)

If I listened to you, if I REALLY listened to you, we could develop a better and richer relationship where we could help each other move forward in a very supportive way. How much safer you would feel. How much more trust and respect would develop. How much further we could go together!

I would love to be listened to that way… wouldn’t you?
Let’s start by offering that kind of ear to others and help them give the same back to us, and others, in return…
That’s TheNewHappyMe way! :)

 

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Related posts:

  1. Dealing with Criticism – Positive or Negative.
  2. Listen To Your Body
  3. Criticism on my path; Integrity and my Life Dream.
  4. I Criticize, I want what’s best for you…
  5. I Love ME with compassion

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