I had a bad experience today, one I never thought I would have to face. An insult from a close family member.
Of course I got angry. I kept it inside and kept moving forward. No use eternalizing the argument. But deep within, I was fuming and hurt. How do people judge plainly without ever putting themselves in the other’s shoes? How do they judge with cruel words spit in one’s face? If they are angry themselves, what right do they have to force that negativity onto another person?
But… “It’s never what people do that make us angry; it’s what we tell ourselves about what they did.” - Marshall Rosenberg. True words of wisdom! People around us may act in ways to make us angry at any time. What creates the emotion in us is not the action but the reaction to the action. Hence our reaction, a completely controlable element, is what needs to change so that we do not get affected by this toxic emotion. Here are some tips:
- Keep away from others’ anger in general or, if you react in anger yourself, release it as fast as possible. Do not try to explain it, analyze it or ruminate about the events to yourself or others. Follow the next steps to get rid of it.
- Replace anger with another emotion that will be less damaging and that you will be able to deal with, like hurt.
- Refuse to imitate the action that got you angry in the first place. Do not judge, do not afflict others with pain. Detach yourself from the initial action, person or event.
- Forgive and forget. Or at least forgive to start. You may not want to forget completely to better protect yourself from future attacks. As you deal with the emotions, you may later be able to forget as well.
- Write in your journal to externalize the emotions and deal with them in a healthy way. Do not keep them bottled up inside.
- Find your balance back by slowly getting back to your other thoughts, family, work, life routine. (reasearching and writing this post help me tremendously!!)
With these techniques, and a lot of practice, dealing with anger becomes a lot easier. Your overall satisfaction level will also increase as a result since your reactions to your environment will be healthier and will allow you to find and keep a better balance. Try them out and share your thoughts with us!