As the Holidays approach, I think of the days I will spend alone while the children are with their father during their time off from school.
In the first year of separation, it was a disaster! The second year was not much better. It takes time to heal. It takes time to find yourself again and be well in your new life. I had anxiety attacks sitting on my own at home without the children running around in the house. I also tried to find someone to be with, just to not be alone.
Little did I know that solitude would be my saviour. Being alone is really not bad at all… once you have acquired the comfort level to enjoy the time you reserve to do whatever your heart desires, you realize that alone is not lonely. It’s actually quite nice! (5 years later…)
The lesson I learned? To love myself. Exactly what I was talking about yesterday. I understood the importance of believing that I deserve love primarily from myself. I deserve TLC, a nice candlelit supper even if there is nobody sitting across the table from me, some quiet time to watch a girly movie (or an action movie for men?), a night out at the movies where you don’t need a partner to talk with anyway, a good book, a nice hot shower or bath, a brisk walk in the park saying hello and smiling to all my fellow walkers, time to write my posts, just to name a few.
Boyfriends have come and gone over the years… only the right relationship will last. The best one is the one I have with myself. Alone is definitely not lonely anymore!