A Friend Who No Longer Is

As a friend, you want to open your heart, share your moments and bring something to the life of a person you consider yourself close to. But there may come a point in your relationship where you notice that you aren’t really happy holding on to this friendship and you must do something about it. Things may have changed over time or maybe you just misread your friend to start with; the point remains that you have a decision to make now.  Your happiness depends on it.

In a friendship, both parties should be content with the relationship. There are no obligations and each person brings to the other what they want to give without expecting anything in return. Any lopsidedness, or rather a feeling that there is such a problem in the friendship, will become an issue, including in questions of trust and honesty, care and show of affection, responsibility and accountability, gift giving and helping out, etc.

Contrary to what we might think, it isn’t always the one who gives without receiving who feels cheated. Sometimes the opposite can occur. I know I get quite frustrated when a “friend” doesn’t understand that I am overwhelmed/stressed/really busy and always calls, texts or emails with a comment that I never take the time to call. That person will soon never hear my voice again because I certainly don’t need someone calling me constantly to “check up on me” because this someone cares, while in reality I am upset by the invasion and I feel insulted by the attitude. This person obviously expects something back from me without consideration or respect for my needs. Unfortunately, this friend no longer is.

You also expect to have trust and good communication with your friend. When you start doubting a friend, the bad taste in your mouth doesn’t wash out easily. It happened to me with a friend who obviously needed my help but there were things that were just not quite right, and although I didn’t want to listen to others’ warnings, I knew that the time was coming to have a serious talk with this person, I will gladly help a friend in need and never will I expect anything in return, BUT I expect that this person will not play me like a fool. If this simple rule has not been respected, then I am sorry to say this friend no longer is.

This post may be a little dark for the New Happy Me world but it is of prime importance because friendships are meant to bring positive vibes to one’s life. Friendships are flavour adding ingredients to your path and are definitely beneficial when healthy. Bad relationships will drain you and that is why we have to be able to evaluate them and determine which ones are friendships and which ones aren’t. A relationship clean-up is required to make sure you only keep the healthy ones, those that will fuel The New Happy You.


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2 Responses to “A Friend Who No Longer Is”

  1. sal says:

    “Sometimes the opposite can occur. I know I get quite frustrated when a “friend” doesn’t understand that I am overwhelmed/stressed/really busy and always calls, texts or emails with a comment that I never take the time to call. That person will soon never hear my voice again because I certainly don’t need someone calling me constantly to “check up on me” because this someone cares, while in reality I am upset by the invasion and I feel insulted by the attitude. This person obviously expects something back from me without consideration or respect for my needs. Unfortunately, this friend no longer is.”

    I disagree with the above statement. One second of your time will suffice to acknowledge your friend no matter how stressed you are. Communication is the most important aspect of friendship. Don’t like invasion, make no friends. Unfortunately, friendship is not a one way street.

    • Carmen Marie says:

      Hi Sal, Thank you for the comment. I wrote that blog post a long while back and yes you are right, there are things we learn about communication along the way that would make that statement a little different, however, I still do feel that it will speak to some readers who surround themselves with the wrong types of people, people who are not looking to support, but looking for benefit. Does that make sense? I have encountered many such instances where “friends” were draining, and it is truly up to me (or my client) to make a decision as to whether to keep that relationship or to distance myself from it. We’re of course talking extreme cases where communication has become a non option.

      I want to thank you again for the comment. I do appreciate this type of interaction very much! Hugs.

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